What fire?

At 3:30am on Good Friday morning, I heard a knock at our bedroom door. It was James. “I need your help…Jack burned me.” I (half asleep) questioned how said burn occurred. James, nonchalantly, stated, “with a fire.” Still half asleep, I tapped The Dad (still sleeping) on the shoulder and told him very calmly that Jack had burned James and that he should probably check on it. George leaped out of bed which is when the concern of what I had just heard, finally clicked in my brain.

As we ran downstairs, approaching the powder room, I noticed the light was on. I peeked in and found two, half eaten, cartons of Halo Top ice cream on the lid of the toilet. Hey…at least they weren’t on the seat of the toilet. Next to the commode, on the floor was a giant empty tub of pork rinds that had clearly been devoured in the tiny bathroom, based on the amount of pork skin crumbs glistening on the floor.

We walked into the kitchen to find lavender essential oil all over the floor. It smelled pleasant, but was kind of slippery and posed another possible injury. While mopping up the oil, I noticed two bowls of nacho cheese Doritos with a ton of crystalized sprinkles on them. When questioned about how the boys got the sprinkles to stick to the chips, they confessed that they had used a bottle of liquid stevia. Of course. Sounds like a solid, and expensive plan.

Thankfully, the aforementioned fire was outside (and already extinguished by the boys using Coke Zero.) I will give them this, they were smart enough to start a fire in our propane fire pit (they didn’t use propane). What did they burn you ask? Only the most logical of kindling…shoelaces, gum wrappers, large heaps of chewed gum, cash (from my purse), a photo of one of their sisters…I’m sure there was more, but those were the most memorable items. How did they start the fire you ask? Well, The Dad smokes cigars and had a torch lighter safe guarded, high up on a shelf. Our sneaky little boys, scaled the door jam to reach the lighter and make their dreams of dangerous shenanigans come true. All fire producing items are now kept behind a keypad locked door. Yes, we have a keypad on our door…and we LOVE it!

Now, lets talk initial first aid. James and Jack had remembered that I had used lavender oil on a very minor burn once before which is how the kitchen floor became a special diffuser for an evening. They had also placed a tiny bandaid in the center of a decent sized burn. Removing the bandaid to clean and dress the wound was a natural consequence and I am positive a lesson was learned. That, and a pretty sweet scar on his stomach that he will show his buddies when he’s a teenager…and share the legend of the Great Fire of 2018. By the mercy and grace of God, no further damages or injuries occurred. Needless to say, extra cameras with alarms were installed soon after that ridiculous night…or was it morning?

Here’s a picture of James’ shirt. Yep, I kept it. I am thinking of having it framed.