We are a faithful, practicing Roman Catholic family. We attend Holy Mass every Sunday (even if we have to attend in our living room because someone is barfing). We have rules for Mass attire. Not only do we want to honor God with what we wear to celebrate His Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, we don’t want the children to confuse what we are there to do. We play in play clothes. We attend and participate appropriately in Holy Mass in “church clothes.” That means no shorts, no spaghetti straps, no flip flops, nice shirts (with a collar) for the boys and appropriate length dresses for the girls. Yes, even in the ROASTING HOT OVEN we that Arizonans call Summer.
There is also a rule that you MUST go to the bathroom before Mass begins or you’ll need to hold it. The exceptions we make for this special rule are for children three and under who are recently potty trained. Enter Hudson. Huddy (age 3) had gone potty at home but just for the joy of it, we had him go again with his older brothers while THE DAD stayed in the pew with the rest of the munchkins. I stood, patiently, waiting outside of the men’s bathroom for our gaggle of boys that HAD TO go potty sooooooo bad. (Again, they go right before we get in the van to travel the ONE mile to the church.) About ten minutes pass…clearly, enough time to get their business done, wash their hands and get back to the pew. Finally, Louie came out to let me know that Hudson had left a hot and steamy poo in his pants.
Well, this is where the Mama Bear has to tap out. I swiftly returned to the pew, tagged my incredibly handsome husband and let him know that he was “it.” Hudson was in the men’s restroom after all…clearly I had no choice but to take a pass this time. It played out in my mind as if it was a poo smeared massacre in the bathroom stall that surely would make George throw up in his mouth. I was sure that he would not be back before the homily. Seconds later, I see my special knight in shining armor heading toward the pew with a smile on his face. Evidentially, Hudson had planned ahead and put on two pairs of underwear. I swear, it was a scene out of a Mentos commercial.
Lesson: Always have your preschoolers wear two pairs of underwear to Holy Mass.